Officially known as bathroom attendants, the bog troll lurks in bars and clubs, interrupting customers’ casual hygiene routine by obstructing sinks and hand-dryers and extorting money for performing such mundane tasks as turning on taps and distributing paper towels.

The bog troll is a menace. The bog troll does not encourage hygiene, it prevents it. Once the third-pint breaks the seal, regular users have no wish to pay an extra pound to offload their processed beer. With typical British manners, bathroom visitors are put in an uncomfortable position: wash their hands tax-free and risk offending the troll; or leave the bathroom unclean, hygiene-be-damned.

Many customers choose the latter. Damn you Bog Troll! Damn you for hoarding the paper towels. Damn you for covering three sinks with CK One. Damn you and your tray of Chupa Chups.

Please help us regulate this scourge, sign the Ban The Bog Troll petition at Downing Street.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.

Official Site: Ban The Bog Troll

3 thoughts on “UK Petition: Ban the Bog Troll

  1. Damn them all to heck!!

    The pubs are required by law to provide the facilities, you pay extra for your beer to have this service included!

    Also, hi Ash, how’s it going?

  2. @Jackie,

    Things are going well – still plodding along with ewelike development. Weren’t we supposed to meet for a pub lunch sometime in… er… April?

    On the facilities front: are you classed as a ‘british resident’? I can’t see your name on the bog troll petition yet…?

  3. Damn that Bog Troll! Down with bacteria infested lollipops and urine scented aftershave!

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